He reads, “I'm eating breakfast and getting ready for work.” He doesn’t need to see their ‘pix’ from the latest party, get-together or drunken brawl because this seems too common. But he acknowledges that it is an effective way to stay in contact with people who might not have over time. “That being said, there is a reason that people fall out of touch and Facebook can make those reasons obvious,” says Dr. Geoffrey D. Hammill, an Eastern Michigan University Professor of Electronic Media and Film.
But how can one resist the rich and royal blue stripe at the top of a white vastness, or the light blue on the blank white page which makes the messages so clear to its addicts? This, my friends, is the internet’s 7-year-old child prodigy, Facebook. But even after being on the commonplace ‘10 Most Visited Websites’ lists for 4 years in a row – gaining ranks every year – its users still break the unspoken laws of Facebook.
But the fact that this much of the public’s time is being put toward one website is not the mystery – it is how they’re using it. Do social networking websites create bad habits? Are there actual rules of etiquette that can help people be better internet socialites?
According to Mark Zuckerberg himself, Facebook users around the world spend over 700 billion minutes per month on the social networking website. And in this new technologically obsessed decade, there are more than 200 million Facebookers currently accessing the website through their mobile devices at any given moment.
There are actual rules of Facebook – no nudity, commercialization, bullying, or hate speech – but there are also the other rules of Facebook which can’t be found in co-founder Mark Zuckerberg’s Statement of Rights and Responsibilities.
A 2009 article from PC World lists the “10 Rules for Better Socializing.” The list consists of 10 rules that, in theory, will help one get friends on Facebook and keep them. Some of them include:
- Choose friends wisely or else you may end up with thousands of ‘friends’ you’ve never even met in person.
- Go easy on the updates; don’t over-share.
- “Do not invite your friends to take a “Which serial killer are you?” quiz or any other quiz.”
- Use the chat feature sparingly. Not everyone can reply back at your convenience.
- Stop poking people; it’s the lowest form of Facebook communication. Just message that person already.
- Avoid group-think syndrome. If one of your friends ‘likes’ a page, do not be afraid to click the ‘x’ instead.
- Beware of embarrassing photos. “Resist the temptation to post every last photo from your birthday party on Facebook.”
- It is completely acceptable to untag thyself in an unwanted photo reference.
- Ignore whatever cause or game requests you want. You are not obligated to acknowledge every friend request or any other request for that matter.
These rules are all a part of those unspoken ones. But according to Facebookers from around Michigan, there is still more to be said regarding the unspoken etiquette of Facebook.
Some Facebookers get too creative with how they choose to portray their personalities and images. Alexandria Moise, 21, of Ann Arbor, says, “Stop adding weird stuff to your name like ‘Jane sexygirlwholikestoparty Doe’.” Regarding the same type of etiquette, Stephanie Christo, 21, of Detroit, says, “NEveR TypE Lyke ThiS.” Also, Matt Brushinski, 28, of Ypsilanti, says we shouldn’t cuss and or post pictures that could reveal things. He says, “Potential employers will look for you on Facebook and judge just on that.”
When it comes to getting an annoying amount of updates in one’s news feed, Derek McNelly, 21, of Center Line, says, “No one wants to see updates from every app [application] you use. Cut it out.” Also annoyed by the clutter of the news feed, Brooke Stefani, 20, of Ypsilanti, says we need to stop ‘liking’ everything on the planet. When a Facebooker likes more than one page, they can come up as multiple updates in a friend’s news feed, making their constant updates obnoxious and uninformative. Stefani says, “It's harder for me to stalk you if I have to hide you from my news feed.”
But Facebook communication can be frustrating for other reasons, too. Ryan Carter, 26, of Ypsilanti, says, “If I type a couple paragraphs and am taking the time to write you, please don't write something like this back, ‘doin ok. You?’ REALLY?! That was informative; glad you took five seconds to type that back! Also what gets me is I am not an ornament or fixture for your other friends to see how popular, or how many friends you have. Therefore, write me once in a while; friendship goes both ways.”
Others dislike when their friends are so vague that it’s annoying to watch them practically plead for attention. Carrie Neal, 24, of Northville, says we shouldn’t post statuses that beg for emotional responses such as ‘I can't believe that just happened! I'm so pissed off I could scream!’ She says, “To make it worse, they'll respond, ‘It's personal, don't wanna give any details.’ Well then don't post about it in the first place!!!” And along the same lines, it’s rude to talk behind someone’s back, especially if it’s not exactly behind his/her back. Kahilee Sky, 21, of Ypsilanti, notes her No. 1 Facebook etiquette pet peeve is “when people hint ‘people’ and wont just say their names.”
A rather interesting Facebook tale comes from another 21-year-old user. “In passing, I posted a comment on a female acquaintance's wall that I thought was humorous. She, however, thought it was a bit more serious, and after a couple of days exchanging texts, she came over to my house and initiated her plan,” he says. “After the deeds were done, I asked her why she thought I was interested in her. [She says,] ‘Well, you wrote on my Facebook wall, so I thought that obviously meant you wanted me.’ If this is what Facebook is doing to people, God help us all.”
Part of this etiquette experiment was to also define Facebook as either a tool or toy. Dr. Hammill, the EMU professor introduced earlier, has a Bachelor of Science in Journalism, a Master of Arts in Radio, Television & Film, and a doctorate in Mass Communications. Dr. Hammill generally logs onto Facebook once a day, but is not intrigued at all by what people are doing from moment to moment. He tends to be on both sides of the tool/toy spectrum but does have a bottom line for Facebook’s personal uses. “I like that one can re-acquaint with folks... And, for good or bad, it is a great way to express one's opinions and feelings (but mostly those things are best kept to oneself). It’s a toy,” he says. “It's a tool only for those organizations, corporations and individuals who seek to profit from it somehow.”
Another man reads, “I'm at Kroger and the line is long.” But despite the most common informative status updates, Paul Majeske, an Associate Professor of Communication Technology at Eastern Michigan University, claims a different opinion of Facebook’s uses. Majeske, same as Dr. Hammill, logs on at least one a day to check up on what his friend’s statuses have been lately, but defines Facebook as more of a tool now that it can be accessed via mobile phone. “I love that my Facebook profiles populate my Droid contact list – very useful,” he says. “Also, I can keep people close to me and connect friends that have common interests that otherwise would take a great effort to get together.” Majeske adds that Facebook is also a great organizing tool when used to promote events.
To Majeske, friendships seem to have the most utter importance in the term ‘tool’. He also says, “[Facebook] extends your circle of communication. There was really no way of keeping connected to people from your past before Social Networking or the Internet. You basically just remembered them in your mind and that was it – now you can keep them close and extend relationships for years – or a lifetime.”
And speaking of extending relationships, Ryan Larimore, a 21-year-old of Westland, happened to gain a relationship with an unlikely sibling from many years ago. “When my dad was 17, he had a potential child adopted away from him, before he had a chance to know if it was his or not. The woman forged my father’s name (my dad goes by Steve, but his real name is Lawrence, and the birth certificate actually says "Steve" on it) on the birth certificate and gave it up for adoption before my dad ever had a chance to meet his potential child,” he explains. “Twenty-four years later a girl messaged my dad saying that she found him on Facebook a while ago... and suddenly I had another sister. We met up and the experience was surreal. She looked just like a Larimore, and an older version of my younger sister, Ashley.” Larimore says she is married with three children, and his family has embraced hers as if they’d known them all along. He also adds that they will be at Christmas with his family for the very first time this year.
Now that there are 20 rules of etiquette and both sides of the tool/toy story, decide for yourself. Do you annoy your list of friends by breaking some of these rules? What does Facebook do for you? Regardless of whether you lean toward Facebook being a tool or toy, the website has crept into most of our lives in one use or another. The only question left is, how will you choose to use it?
